High-Functioning Anxiety & the NYC Achiever

You are the epitome of NYC. Your work days are filled to the brim with meetings, phone calls, and important tasks; you're known to get it done and well. You make sure to attend a challenging yoga class three days a week, and you rarely miss your daily run or 45 minutes at the gym. You even manage to fit in happy hour and weekend brunch with similarly accomplished friends. This all sounds great, right? So, what's the problem?

"This isn't anxiety," you think. "This is my drive for success! Isn't it?" Deep down, you know it's more than that. At the Keely Group, our therapists understand the fine line you walk and we want to help.

Could it be "High-Functioning Anxiety"?

You may have heard about this unofficial "condition" online or from a friend. If so, you're probably curious about its definition and most common signs. High-functioning anxiety essentially describes a chronic level of anxiety that might not necessarily meet the criteria for diagnosis of an anxiety disorder but is problematic nonetheless.

Here are some possible signs of high-functioning anxiety:

Nagging Headache and Tension

You've started to notice a nagging headache that is distracting you from bringing your A-game. You find yourself massaging your jaws or opening your mouth wide to stretch out the tension you feel in your face. 

Relaxation is Impossible

You cannot even begin to fathom just sitting and relaxing when you discover a spare hour with nothing scheduled; there's just so much to do, and it has to be done right. It's also hard to fall asleep at night; you're busy strategizing or making lists of the important pieces that can't fall through the cracks. 

You Feel Like You Have to Do it All

You catch yourself staring out the window rather than replying to that crucial email as quickly and thoroughly as you normally would. Your assistant seems to just sit around all day doing nothing, but some part of you knows that it's because you feel like you have to do it yourself for it to be done correctly. 

Socializing is Difficult

Your first order of business at that happy hour or weekend brunch is to order a cocktail and take a sip; that has to happen before you can even start to engage with your companions. 

Fear of Never Finding a Partner

And somewhere in the background is the dull thud of a recurrent fear that you will never find a decent partner in this godforsaken city, so if you ever wanted to consider having children, you'll probably be too late.

As you read about these common signs of so-called high-functioning anxiety, maybe you're worried you might have it. At the same time, you wonder…

"Is high-functioning anxiety really that bad? I mean, look how well I'm doing in my career!"

High-functioning anxiety can wreak havoc on the health and welfare of the people it affects. And NYC achievers are prime candidates for high-functioning anxiety. The pace of the city on its own can provoke anxiety in even the calmest of people, and the pressure to succeed in the corporate world here brings with it an expectation of over-performance and perfection that may be unmatched in any other arena.

Stress really is a killer.

 You're fine, you say, and you may very well be. But unless you get professional support, the long-term effects of chronic anxiety can be crippling and in ways that you might not even consider.

The Impact on Your Physical Health

The most obvious potential effect of not seeking high-functioning anxiety treatment is on your physical health. Stress is a killer. Polyvagal theory (among others) suggests that humans are biologically programmed to have a physiological response to a perceived threat, which could include a tensing of muscles, a release of the stress hormone cortisol, and an increased heart rate, to name a few. Once that response has been activated, the body remains in threat response mode until the threat is resolved.

The Perpetual Stress Response

The trouble is, our psyche doesn't know the difference between a charging lion and a jam-packed subway platform. Our psyche just recognizes a threat and has its normal, functional threat response, but in the example of the normal NYC commuter experience, the activation is very nearly perpetual because there are just so many stimuli for the psyche to process at every single moment of every single day.

 Over time, this high level of physical threat-response activation can contribute to health problems that are very, very real—and often fatal.

Anxiety erodes relationships.

Another problem with foregoing high-functioning anxiety treatment is an erosion of interpersonal connection. People become so busy fending off the subtle (although sometimes not so subtle) feelings of anxiety that they erect a multitude of defenses that work, on some level, to keep the anxiety in check, but that also work to keep the connection at bay.

For example, if people can't ever be trusted to handle things in conjunction with you, whether in your work life or in your personal life, the connection with that person erodes as they become unnecessary and irrelevant to attaining your goals. 

The Connection Between High-Functioning Anxiety and Alcohol

There's also a dynamic between high-functioning anxiety and alcohol that sabotages relationships. If every relationship interaction is framed around the use of a substance (yes, wine counts), the people you are with never receive the benefit of knowing you in an unaltered state (even just one glass offers up a numbing effect that serves to both numb the negative anxiety but also to numb the positive relational connection).

These connections, fueled by bottomless mimosa brunches, are inevitably less deep than they could have been. Your high-functioning anxiety and subsequent alcohol consumption prevent you from really seeing—or being seen by—your companions.

You don't have to suffer, even if you think your suffering is mild.

Are you noticing signs of chronic stress? Is your high-functioning anxiety bad enough that you're experiencing physical symptoms or relationship problems? If so, it's time to do something about it.

We won't suggest that you have to move to Montana or be sober 100% of the time in order to counter the effects of high-functioning anxiety. We are saying, however, that this is real, and you are suffering from a chronic state of anxiety activation that is detrimental to living your best life. And, we are saying that it does. not. have. to. be. this. way! 

The Belief That the Anxiety is “Not That Bad”

Often, people avoid high-functioning anxiety treatment because they don't recognize it as crippling. They don't have panic attacks, they are kicking ass in their career, they are going about their lives, and externally, things look pretty good. In other words, they think, "Who am I to take up treatment space for something like this when I should just be happy with my life as it is?"

The Fear of the Impact on Success

Also, people who are high-achieving often fear that if they resolve the anxiety, or at least significantly reduce it, this loss will actually have a harmful effect on their capacity to succeed. Not true, my friends. In fact, reducing this chronic underlying anxiety can free up so much physical and emotional space that you might even be able to kick more ass at work. Imagine that!

Working with a therapist can help

If this resonates—the productivity, the pace, the sense that something is off underneath all of it—it's worth talking to someone. High-functioning anxiety is one of the most common things we work with at The Keely Group, and it responds well to treatment.

Request a consultation with our team, or learn more about our work with anxiety and stress.