How to Break Free of Toxic Dating Cycles (Why Am I Dating the Same Person Over and Over Again?)
You keep finding yourself in the same dating dynamics and feeling as if you are looking at the same person. Time and time again. We get it; it's familiar. It's comfortable despite these relationships not being satisfactory or fulfilling. It can be hard to break out of such a cycle, but it's important for your own mental health and well-being.
Comfort in the Familiar
There is comfort in the familiar but it shouldn't be a comfort that leaves you thinking "What is wrong with me". There's honestly nothing wrong with you and your dating pattern makes sense. Who doesn't find comfort in the familiar even though you know it doesn't make you happy? However, you need to find the compassion for yourself to embark on the journey to break this cycle and unlearn these toxic patterns and dynamics. In this blog by The Keely Group, we will look at how to break free of toxic dating cycles and learn new relationship habits.
What is a Toxic Dating Cycle?
You may be wondering what a toxic dating cycle is, and that is an excellent question! You can't break free from something you can't recognize. Toxic dating cycles are when an individual finds themselves in the same kind of relationship dynamics. Ones that lead them to self-doubt, lower their self-esteem, and challenge their sense of independence and agency within that relationship. This relationship is not one to enable trust, safety, or healthy communication within it. At The Keely Group, our skilled team of therapists specializes in helping people understand these toxic dating cycles.
You're Stuck in the Same Dating Pattern
People can fall into toxic dating patterns where they struggle to communicate their needs, desires, and fears to their partner. This may be due to various reasons like a lack of support, poor communication skills, jealousy, or power imbalances in the relationship. These patterns can result in repeatedly dating the same type of person and making the same mistakes in every relationship, leading to negative outcomes such as resentment, anxiety, and dissatisfaction. Although ending a toxic relationship can be challenging, it is crucial to do so for your well-being. By breaking these patterns, you can discover healthy and fulfilling relationships. Consider seeking help from Therapy for Dating to recognize and overcome these behavior patterns.
How Do Toxic Cycles Start?
You may be wondering how these toxic dating cycles even begin. Well, it starts with a combination of relationship dynamics that you have had with your parents/formative caregivers and what we observed our parents/formative caregivers have. It can also come from our own relationship histories. We find comfort in the familiar and gravitate towards it because it's what we know. Even if it's not healthy or helpful in the long run, it's still familiar.
For example, if you have only been around people who have been or are in unhealthy or dysfunctional relationships, you haven't had any role models to show you another way. So you stick to what feels familiar, even if it is hurtful, harmful, and dissatisfying in the end.
Signs of a Toxic Relationship Cycle
Now that we have talked about what a toxic relationship cycle is, it's time to talk about the signs you should be aware of. Here are some of the signs:
You feel like you can't be yourself in the relationship or that your needs are not being met.
Constantly feeling on edge in the relationship.
Worried you may upset your partner in some way.
Desperately trying to find a way to maintain connection and intimacy.
A cycle of breaking up and getting back together.
The boundaries are very unclear in the relationship.
Your emotional state and mood are deeply affected by the relationship.
Arguments feel like the end all be all.
You actively avoid conflict with your partner.
Generally, you do not feel secure, safe, or trusting of your partner.
Always attending to the needs of your partner.
Compromising your own needs or putting them last.
There's a power imbalance
Recognizing These Signs Can Help Break the Cycle
Being able to recognize the signs of a toxic dating cycle can help you work towards breaking free and creating healthier, happier relationships in the future. While it may be difficult to end a toxic relationship, it's important to understand that it's in your best interest to do so. Breaking away from these patterns will allow you to find healthy, fulfilling partnerships and relationships.
Breaking Free From Toxic Dating Cycles
Breaking free from toxic dating cycles is easier said than done. It can be difficult to recognize and end the cycle, especially if it is something that you have grown comfortable with. However, with the right resources and support, it is possible to break away from these patterns.
Here are ways to start breaking free:
Identify the Toxic Traits
Learn how to start identifying toxic relationship traits with the assistance of therapy. When you're able to identify these traits, this will help you to be more aware and mindful of the patterns you may have been engaging in. You can come to terms with why these patterns are familiar and comfortable, but also why they are not healthy. Therapy can help you find ways to end these cycles and look for healthier relationships.
Take Time To Reflect
Once you have the skills to identify toxic traits, be willing to take some time away from dating and relationships. Allow yourself to reflect on not only the toxic patterns and cycles in your dating history, but also to identify your needs in a partner that can facilitate growth, trust, safety, and connection. Making a list of what you need in a partner can help you weed out dating the same people over and over again, and can help you open yourself up to finding healthier relationships.
Recognize Dating Cycles Exist Due To Comfort
Recognize that there is comfort in what is familiar. Dating cycles and patterns exist because that is what we grow comfortable with knowing what to expect. It can make us anxious going into situations that we don't know or are expecting different outcomes. However, once you can accept that comfort exists in the familiarity of toxic relationships, you can start to critically analyze if what "feels good" is just the comfort of familiarity. And nothing else.
You Are Not Broken
If you're stuck in a toxic dating pattern or have been, just know there is nothing wrong with you! Everyone finds comfort in the familiar. Hence our routines, our favorite dinner spots, and our "go-to" people to call when we need support. It's natural. But it's important to recognize the difference between healthy familiar and unhealthy familiar. With the right resources, you can start to break away from toxic dating cycles and find happier, healthier relationships that support you in both your emotional and physical well-being.
Interested in Learning More About Therapy for Dating in New York City?
You can break free from the toxic dating cycles you're caught in or heal from the pain that toxic relationships can leave behind. At The Keely Group, our skilled team of therapists will assist you to identify toxic relational traits and help you find a new familiar that is supportive and healthy. If you are ready to invest in yourself, follow the steps below to get started!
Read through our FAQ page to answer any lingering questions you may have.
Fill out our convenient online contact form to get in touch with our team.
Begin freeing yourself of the pain toxic dating cycles can bring!
Other Online Mental Health Services Offered at The Keely Group in New York City.
In addition to Online Therapy for Dating, The Keely Group offers a wide variety of online services to fit the needs of busy professionals. We understand that you may face other challenges throughout your daily life that can affect relationships and dating, so we offer online therapy services to help you cope with these issues. Our ultimate goal is to help you streamline your life and that's why we offer an array of services such as: