Brilliant and Struggling: The Lived Experience of Being Twice Exceptional
“For a long time, I thought something was wrong with me.”
“I could learn things quickly, see patterns others missed, and excel in areas that seemed to come easily to me. And yet, I struggled with things that were supposedly basic, like starting tasks, staying organized, managing stress, or keeping up without burning out. I didn’t look like someone who was “struggling,” so I assumed the problem must be a personal flaw.”
Does this sound like you? If you’re twice exceptional, this contradiction probably feels familiar. And if you're looking for twice exceptional therapy in NYC, you're already ahead of where I was—recognizing that this isn't about trying harder or being more disciplined. Being gifted and neurodivergent at the same time often means living with a constant sense of how can I be so capable and still feel like this? From the outside, people see your high responsibility, intelligence, or achievements. On the inside, you’re working twice as hard just to stay afloat.
Living in the In-Between
Being twice exceptional means your strengths and struggles coexist rather than cancel each other out. You might be articulate and insightful, yet forget appointments or miss deadlines. You might be deeply creative, but completely overwhelmed by noise, clutter, or constant demands. You might do well in school or at work, while quietly unraveling at home.
What makes this especially hard is that your strengths are visible, and your struggles usually aren’t. When people see what you’re capable of, they assume everything else should be easy. You might hear things like, *“You’re so smart, you’ll figure it out,” or “If you can do that, why can’t you just do this?”
After a while, those messages get internalized. You stop asking for help. You start blaming yourself. You wonder why life feels so exhausting when, on paper, you’re doing fine.
The Pressure to “Hold It Together”
A lot of twice exceptional people become experts at appearing functional. You overprepare. You compensate. You work harder than everyone else to make sure no one notices how close you are to the edge.
Maybe you stay up late fixing mistakes you feel you shouldn’t have made in the first place. Maybe you rehearse conversations in your head because spontaneous interactions feel overwhelming. Maybe you constantly feel behind, even when you’re objectively doing well.
There’s often a quiet fear underneath all of this: If people really saw how hard this is for me, they’d be disappointed. Or worse, they wouldn’t believe you.
Being labeled “high-functioning” can feel like a trap. It leaves no room for rest, no permission to struggle, and no language for burnout. And when you finally do hit a wall, it can feel confusing and scary, like you’ve failed at something you were never meant to sustain in the first place.
Discovering You’re Twice Exceptional Later in Life
Many people don’t learn about twice-exceptionality until adulthood. When that realization comes, it can feel like a light turning on and a wave of grief crashing in at the same time.
Suddenly, things make sense. The burnout. The inconsistency. The feeling that you were always working harder than others for the same results. You may start reexamining your past through a new lens, wondering how different things could have been with the right understanding or support.
At the same time, there can be sadness for the younger version of you who tried so hard to “fix” themselves. The kid or teen who internalized criticism instead of receiving accommodations. The adult who chose careers or relationships based on survival rather than alignment.
This realization can be emotional, but it’s also deeply validating. It offers a way to stop seeing yourself as broken and start understanding yourself as differently wired.
Why So Many of Us Struggle Quietly
If you’re twice exceptional, chances are you’ve learned to minimize your own needs. Maybe you’ve been told—directly or indirectly—that your struggles don’t count because you’re capable in other ways. Or maybe you’ve felt guilty asking for help when others seem to have it worse.
So you push through. You tell yourself it’s not that bad. You wait until things are unbearable before reaching out, if you reach out at all.
There’s often a private exhaustion that no one sees. The kind that comes from constantly adapting to environments that weren’t designed for your brain. The kind that makes you wonder why rest feels undeserved, or why slowing down feels unsafe.
What Therapy Can Offer Twice Exceptional Adults
Therapy can be a place where you don’t have to justify your experience. Where you don’t have to prove that you’re struggling “enough.” Where both your strengths and your difficulties are taken seriously by a supportive therapist.
For many twice exceptional adults, therapy isn’t about fixing something that’s broken. It’s about finally understanding how your nervous system works and learning how to live in a way that doesn’t require constant self-abandonment.
In twice-exceptional therapy, you might unpack years of perfectionism, burnout, or shame. You might learn how to regulate overwhelm in ways that actually work for you. You might practice asking for support without apologizing or overexplaining.
Perhaps most importantly, therapy can help you develop a different relationship with yourself, one that’s rooted in compassion rather than constant self-monitoring.
Integration Over “Balance”
Living well as a twice exceptional person isn’t about balancing strengths and struggles as if they’re opposing forces. It’s about integrating them. Learning what supports you, what drains you, and what expectations are simply unrealistic.
Integration might mean designing your life with more flexibility. It might mean redefining success so it’s sustainable, not impressive. It might mean choosing rest without waiting for permission.
You don’t have to earn care by being exceptional. You’re allowed to need support because you’re human.
You’re Not Alone in This
If this resonates, know that you’re not imagining the difficulty, and you’re not alone. Being twice exceptional can feel isolating, especially when your internal experience doesn’t match how others perceive you.
Support isn’t a failure. It’s a response to complexity. Twice-exceptional therapy at The Keely Group can be a place to make sense of your story, reclaim your self-trust, and build a life that works with your brain instead of against it.
You can be brilliant and struggling at the same time. Both can be true, and neither has to cancel the other out.
Find Support That Actually Understands Gifted, Neurodivergent Adults: Twice Exceptional Therapy
If you're ready to stop masking, stop pushing through, and start working with your brain instead of against it, twice exceptional therapy in NYC can help. At The Keely Group, we specialize in supporting gifted, neurodivergent adults who are tired of feeling like they're falling short despite doing everything "right." You deserve a therapist who understands that your struggles aren't about effort—they're about finally getting the right kind of support. Follow these three simple steps to get started:
Review our FAQ page to learn more about Therapy at the Keely Group
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Additional Online Mental Health Services Offered at The Keely Group in NYC
At The Keely Group, we understand that thriving as a twice exceptional adult requires more than just trying harder—it takes the right support and understanding. Our twice exceptional therapy in NYC helps gifted, neurodivergent adults navigate executive function challenges, reduce burnout, and build sustainable systems that work with how their brain actually functions. We offer flexible online and in-person therapy options, along with additional services designed to support your growth and help you move from constantly compensating to actually thriving. These include: