Not Your “Type”? Is That Kind of Mindset a Barrier When Dating?


The last time you went out on a date with someone, did they remind you of a significant other from your past?

If you have this experience over and over again, you just might have a “type.”

Perhaps you always date musicians or writers, or maybe you have a thing for guys with blonde hair and tattoos. And whenever you meet someone who fits that “type,” you can’t help but make a beeline for them. It’s like there’s a certain magnetism, you might call it “chemistry”.

But does having a type make your dating life easier or more difficult? The hard truth is that going for the same type of person every time you jump back into the dating scene could hold you back.

Here’s why having a type can present a barrier to finding the right person.

Arbitrary Judgments

You might find yourself dating the same “type” time and time again. And the reasons you gravitate towards these people could be pretty superficial.

For example, maybe the people you go for all meet similar criteria “on paper” or you’ve noticed that you always date people who look fairly similar—same hair color, same eye color, same height, maybe even the same wardrobe!

Instead of focusing solely on initial physical attraction, you need to think about shared values, too. Those are the qualities that will really make or break a relationship.

Getting Stuck in the Past

Have you ever seen one of your friends do a double take because they saw someone who looked kind of like their ex?

If you date the same “type” of person over and over again, you’re almost guaranteed to be reminded of your exes pretty frequently. And dwelling on past relationships is a surefire way to sabotage your current one.

Dating the Wrong Person…Again

You might have realized that your ex wasn’t right for you and decided that you were going to move on. But if you continue to date the same “type” without budging, can you really consider that “moving on”?

There’s a good chance that you’ll find yourself dating someone with the same flaws a second or third time. When the two of you disagree, it will feel like deja vu. You’ll practically be able to predict the next argument—because you’ve been there before one too many times already.

Repeating Patterns

Whether you have a type or not, we all find ourselves slipping into repetitive patterns in our love lives every once in a while. But if you do have a “type”, you might start to feel like you’re just living out the same relationship every time you date someone new.

At first, it might be a running joke for you and your friends. But after a while, it starts to get old. The less willing you are to look at this pattern, the longer it will take for you to break out of it. And that can make your love life feel stagnant.

Missing Out On a Great Partner

It’s smart to set boundaries and have high standards when it comes to dating. But some things are just not negotiable. And everyone will have certain behaviors, habits, or beliefs that they just can’t accept in a partner. Of course, that doesn’t mean that you should write off everyone who doesn’t fit a specific “type.”

By dismissing so many people outright, you could be missing out on a fantastic relationship. Someone who makes a great, sustainable partner for you might not fit the narrow definitions of your type. Maybe it’s time to mix it up and give someone different a chance.

Do you feel like you’re having no luck in love lately? Whether you’re having relationship problems or still searching for “the one,” therapy can help. Contact me today to discuss how I can support you.